Q : what is the hardest thing about learning to ride a bicycle ?
A : the pavement

Q : why are speeches like steerhorns ?
A : because they have a point here, apoint there and a lot of bull in between

Q : what is the difference between a G, a PG and an R rating in the motion picture industry ?
A : if a man and a woman go into the woods with a picnic basket and a blanket and have a picnic that's a "G". If they go into the woods with a picnic basket and crawl under the blanket, that's a "PG". And if they go into the woods without a basket or a blanket and have a picnic anyway, that's an "R"

Q : why is it that cargoes and shipments are always misplaed ?
A : because cargoes are always sent by a ship while shipments are always sent by a car

Q : why is letter "O" like a decomposing agent ?
A : because it makes rat rot

Q : why is laughter extraordinary ?
A : because it has no foreign accent

Q : the pet shop salesman said, "I guarantee that this parrot will repeat every word it hears". A customer bought the parrot but found it would not speak a single word. Nevertheless, the salesman told the truth. Explain
A : the parrot was deaf

Q : why are public opinions like children in a garden ?
A : they're digging up things all the time to see how they're growing

Q : when is the best time to keep your mouth shut ?
A : when you're in deep water

Q : what is the best answer if a man whom you want to put down say, "Hi, beautiful. What sign are you ?"
A : say, "no parking"

Q : how can you tell a man who substitutes candy for smoking ?
A : by the way he grinds the wrapper out with his foot

Q : what is bad when an agent says to a writer, "Paramount loved your script - it absolutely ate it up. "
A : when paramount is a cocker spaniel

Q : what is the difference between a comedian and a humorist ?
A : a comedian is a person who makes you laugh. A humourist is a person who makes you think and laugh

Q : a customer in a restaurant found a dead fly in his coffee. He sent the waiter back for a fresh cup. After a sip he shouted, "This is the same cup of coffee I had before." How did he know ?
A : the customer had sugared his coffee before he found the dead fly

Q : what is the difference between young women of years ago and young women of today ?
A : years ago, young women blushed if they were embarrased. Today they're embarrased if they blush

Q : what is the dream of a waking man ?
A : hope

Q : why do horses laugh today ?
A : because they see motorists adjusting their shoulder harnesses

Q : why is it that television will never completely replace the newspaper ?
A :because no one can swat a fly with it