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Q : what is the difference between an ecologist and an environmentalist ?
A : an ecologist wants to clean up the world while an environmentalist wants you to clean up your yard

Q : what makes everyone sick except those who swallow it ?
A : flattery

Q : what's the lazy man's idea of housework ?
A : to sweep the room with a glance

Q : what is the best way to make a fire with two sticks ?
A : make sure one of them is a

Q : why are travelers like high-calorie foods ?
A : they broaden a person

Q : why is a rumor like a check ?
A : because you should never endorse it till you're sure it's genuine

Q : what words contain such unlikely combination of letters as tomo, xyg, dph, phr, heon, riju, xop and omaha ?
A : automobile, oxygen, jodhpur, schizophrenia, luncheon, marijuana, saxophone and tomahawk

Q : what did the bald man say when he got a comb for his bday ?
A : "thank you very much. i'll never part with it"

Q : what word has eight letters and only one vowel ?
A : strength

Q : who are the best bookkeepers ?
A : people who never return the books you lend to them

Q : who has the right to criticize ?
A : he who has a heart to help

Q : what seven letter word contains eight words without rearranging any of its letter ?
A : therein-the-there-he-her-here-ere-rein-in

Q : what does the thought of cancer do ?
A : it cures smoking

Q : what is the perfect gift for the person who has everything ?
A : a burglar alarm

Q : how can two peoplestand 2 inches apart without being able to touch each other ?
A : close the door between them

Q : what is the only nail a carpenter hates to hit ?
A : his fingernail

Q : what's so unusual about kindness ?
A : it is one of the most difficult things to give away but it is usually returned

Q : what does inflation make possible ?
A : saying "cheese" without smiling

Q : how do you describe a movie with a true X-rating ?
A : it is X-hausting, X-aggerated and X-pensive

Q : every morning Farmer Brown had eggs for breakfast, but he didn't own any chicken and he never got eggs from chickens owned by anyone else. Where did he get the eggs ?
A : from his ducks